I feel worthless, hated, invisible

I’m worried I might be pregnant again. I had a job, that I got after hiding my pregnancy under layers of spandex that caused heartburn and pain. I had already job hunted before while pregnant and was openly scoffed at. I worked until I gave birth, then went back at 7 weeks. But then my children’s worker took advantage of my contract, and I lost my job. I’ve been searching ever since. I don’t wear my wedding rings to interviews, I try to look as thin as possible, I tweak my resume to hide the gaps. And now there’s a small chance I could be pregnant again.
I feel worthless, hated, invisible. And I hate everyone else right back.
I’m in the US. Why did I go to college? Why did I learn to read? Why should my daughter learn to do anything other than hope she finds a big, strong man she can pet and stroke? I grew up being taught women have choices, that we can work outside the home too. The only choice we have is to abort, and even then killing a baby isn’t enough. What if we get pregnant again?
I’m trilingual. I work very hard. I’m smart, and creative, and have a degree. But I am only seen as a liability. A disgusting liability.
We are still faced with the choice between working, or children. One, or the other. At least in the 50’s, people were honest about that choice. At least then a mother could tell her daughter that college doesn’t matter, except to find a man, preferably a rich one. It’s not a fun truth, but at least it’s honest.
“You can be anything” except if you’re pregnant or a mother. Get back to your house and if you want money so much, go sell make up or trinkets. It’s 2015 and we are still nothing more than cows. Fat, ugly, worthless cows.
God I wish justice existed.

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